The Urban Refugee

One ringy dingy…

“Meadowlark PC Repair, Sean speaking.”

“Hello. My name is Gurvinder and I’m calling from Capital One.”

“Hey, um, I thought you guys weren’t supposed to be calling me when your company is suing me over a credit dispute.”

“Oh my goodness.”

“Can I have your full name please and title please? I’m going to have to notify my lawyer that a representative of Capital One made contact with me in contempt of the consent decree that we signed.”

“A consent decree?”

“Yes, and the financial penalties for that can be significant. This could be considered harrassment under Canadian law. Your full name and position please?”

“I’m sorry, I uh, I cannot, um…”

*clik* 

One ringy dingy…

Two ringy dingies…

Three r***clik!

“Meadowlark PC Repair, Sean speaking.”

“Hi, this is Dingleberry calling from Some Generic Company. We’d like to make you aware of a special offer we have on our Pitney Bowes postage meters.”

“Holy f#$%!”

“I beg your pardon, sir?”

“Postage meters? For sending items by postal mail? I thought they would have put all of those antiques in museums decades ago!”

“Um, well, uh…”

“Hell, I do all of my invoicing by e-mail now. If I’m feeling retro, that’s when I send a fax. But snail mail! Man, that’s something my grandparents did.”

“Well, uh, no, actually, sir, we do have many customers who still use regular mail for a great deal of their business.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet. I suppose they have their secretaries type all their mail on typewriters with three carbons and then drive the letters to the post office in their Edsels! Hey, tell me, do you guys sell Betamax systems, too?”

“Uh, no, I don’t think so.”

“THEN YOU SHOULD BE! BWAAAHAAHAAAHAA!”

*slam*