Good Orderly Direction
Posted on February 28th, 2007 in Ponderous ponderings | 14 Comments »
I’ve struggled with the notion of “God” over the years. At first I called myself an athiest, but that was dishonest. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe — I did — it’s just that God and I weren’t on speaking terms for quite some time. That, and I’ve always had problems with authority. Here are my observations on spirituality after fifteen years of trying to come to terms with it.
You have to start somewhere
My spiritual awakening came in two steps. First, I accepted the idea that there could be such a thing as “God”. Next, I grudgingly came to accept the idea that I wasn’t it.
Burned out
I was wrestling with my faux atheism when someone suggested to me that I could sidestep my pride and participate in a certain 12 step program I belonged to by making an ordinary, every day object my Higher Power instead (e.g. a light bulb). I could continue to work The Steps in this fashion. That worked for several weeks until my “Higher Power” burned out (a light bulb as per my idiot sponsor’s suggestion).
Not the brightest idea I’ve ever had.
Believing in results
“Every time I step into a room with a bottle of booze, it kicks my ass.”
“Have you prayed to your Higher Power for help with avoiding it?”
“Why the fuck would I do that?”
“What will you lose from praying for help just once (aside from your pride)?”
“Nothing much, I guess.”
So I tried praying. And it worked. And my life has been fucked up (in a good way) ever since.
Leave the nitpicky stuff to the mechanics
My relationship with God is a lot like my relationship with my car. There’s all kinds of stuff going on under the hood of that thing, most of which baffles the shit out of me. All I need to worry about is performing the basic maintenance and the car will get me where I need to be most of the time.
Just like my car, I don’t need to become an expert on how God works for He/She/It to get to where I need to be.
Everything in moderation
When you’re 23 and trying to find people your age to hang with on a Saturday night without getting pissed that leaves you with Xtian Fundies, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and Mormons. If you want to actually have fun while hanging with your friends that really only leaves the Mormons. Sure they’re whacked, but at least they know how to party.
The bad news is that I never warmed to the idea that people with dark skin were marked by The Devil™, that gay people are abominations in the sight of The Lord, and that women are basically put on the earth to shoot as many kids out of their ass ends as they can before their ovaries shrivel up. The good news is that I understand all of the spiritual references in the Battlestar Galactica television series (both old and new) that fly over the heads of anyone who has never experienced The Church. That still doesn’t make up for having to wear the underwear or going for seven years without drinking coffee.
It’s time to cut back when your attempts towards a spiritual life start to feel like you’re running up the down escalator.
God really does work through the people around you
That’s the good news. The bad news is that The Devil™ (or whatever you want to call him/her/it) works through the people around you as well. Not surprisingly, most of them work as barristers or they hold positions in management.
And sometimes they’re your parents.
Don’t blame anything that these people do on God or you’ll wind up with the same fucked up relationship with God that I started out with.
You can choose your actions…
…but you can’t choose the consequences of your actions. The important thing — and this is important — is that you can ask for help in making the right decisions. Like those silent, mumbled under my breath prayers that have kept me away from the hooch for fifteen years.
Now if only I could get this to work for jelly-filled doughnuts.
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That’s all I’ve got to say on this topic.
