The Urban Refugee

What follows is a personal note from Jen and I to the owners of the Greenhead restaurant in Provost, Alberta:

In regards to the Chinese food we ate there last night, you folks need to change the oil in your deep fryers more often. That, or talk to the Canadian military about buying some armor piercing cutlery made out of depleted uranium. I goddamn near bent my knife trying to cut into whatever it was that you people are passing off as an eggroll.

Sprained my wrist, too.

I was fixing one of the kid’s toys with some Krazy Glue the other day. The bottle has a warning that it bonds skin instantly. It also warns that it will not work well with leather.

Uh, hello? WTF do they think leather is made of?

This biomass-derived fuel is known as cellulosic ethanol. Whatever the source, burning ethanol instead of gasoline reduces carbon emissions by more than 80 percent while eliminating entirely the release of acid-rain-causing sulfur dioxide. Even the cautious Department of Energy predicts that ethanol could put a 30 percent dent in America’s gasoline consumption by 2030.

We may not have to wait that long. After decades of being merely an additive to gasoline, ethanol suddenly looks to be the stuff of a fuel revolution — and a pipe dream for futurists. An unlikely alliance of venture capitalists, Wall Streeters, automakers, environmentalists, farmers and politicians is doing more than just talk about ethanol’s potential. They’re putting real money into biorefineries, car engines that switch effortlessly between gasoline and biofuels, and R&D to churn out ethanol more cheaply. (By the way, the reason motorists don’t know about the five-million-plus ethanol-ready cars and trucks on the road is that until now Detroit never felt the need to tell them. Automakers quietly added the flex-fuel feature to get a break from fuel-economy standards.) — CNN Money

This is excellent news.

So… Who thinks that $34.95 for an 11×14 print of my work, or perhaps $19.95 for an 8×10 is reasonable? I’ve been re-evaluating my priorities, and while cash is nice, I think that setting things up so that a greater number of people can affordably enjoy my work will be much more satisfying to me in the long run.

Discussion?

Maybe it’s just the Alzheimers setting in, but I’m pretty sure I can remember there being a foot of snow on the ground at this time of the year back when I was a kid. Right now we’ve got half an inch if we’re lucky, and it’s supposed to melt tomorrow and the day after during unseasonably high temperatures. This is Alberta — it’s supposed to be bitterly cold and snowy here. January weather regularly sucks ass. Well, it used to.

Where the hell is our snow?!?

I’m rattled. I think I’m about to jump on the global warming bandwagon. When do I get to start running Ford Expedition owners off the road and clubbing them like baby seals?

I am officially boycotting Google until they do an about face on this issue. If they don’t, well, there are still other decent search engines to choose from. I’ve been on the Web long enough to remember a time when nobody thought Webcrawler would ever be topped.

Ray’s been busy revamping his photoblog. I’d have to say that the new design looks pretty damn cool even if the whole image thumbnail thing seems just a tad familiar.

All that Ray needs now are some fresh images to fill up his new site design. Perhaps he can start with the four images that he still owes me?

There’s a bit of wailing and gnashing of teeth over at The Babbler’s site over the derision that parts of Ontario and the East Coast are wont to receive from The Prairies, particularly Alberta.

Look, guys (and gals), in case you haven’t noticed, a significant portion of your population has a nasty habit of throwing in with a bunch of crooks and fraudsters. Did it never occur to you that others, like the folks in Alberta, would eventually notice the crowd you run with and decide that a fair number of you are nothing more than a bunch of fucking assholes? Because you are, and your voting record proves it. That sort of thing just doesn’t sit well with those who value honesty and personal responsibility.

Respect is earned, not freely given, so here’s your steaming cup of STFU right back at you whiners in the east. You know what you have to do if you want to be taken seriously.

[11:30 PM] Pretty good speech, but I’m done for. It’s time for bed. Thanks to everyone who hung out with me tonight.

[11:27 PM] Thanks Paul Martin for his service to Canada and Canadians. Pretty gracious when you consider what Harper has been on the receiving end of these last two months. If I was in his place I probably would presented an ass cheek to Paul and yelled “PUCKER UP, BABY!”

But that’s just me.

[11:26 PM] Uh oh — Harper said ‘prayers’. Greg’s gonna go ballastic. Again.

[11:25 PM] Touchy-feely stuff about Calgary…

[11:23 PM] Harper is speaking now. Sounds pretty pumped. Damn, his French is good.

[11:19 PM] Still waiting for Harper. I’m losing my signal from QR77 — another station is starting to override the signal. Figures.

[11:14 PM] Harper is on his way to the podium in Calgary.

[11:01 PM] Just heard a replay of Screeching Annie on the 11:00 news. She’s torqued. Looks good on her, I must say. Back in a few — gotta reboot.

[11:00 PM] Rats. I’m out of Dr. Pepper.

[10:58 PM] Ding dong the witch is dead. Laurie Hawn has a comfortable lead over The Screecher. Stick a fork in Annie — she’s done.

[10:51 PM] Some intrepid Canadian should repackage Jack Layton as a sleeping aid. I’m still drowsy after hearing the small portion of his speech that QR77 carried.

[10:50 PM] Jeez, I think the number of grey hairs on my chest has doubled since this past summer.

[10:40 PM] Layton is speaking now. Yawn.

[10:37 PM] Castrated: Regal Cock Reg Alcock lost his riding.

[10:33 PM] It’s 10:33 PM MST and the liberal.ca hasn’t been updated to reflect their loss yet. I guess everyone really is too busy working on their resumes…

[10:31 PM] “We honestly believe that we acted on the belief that…” Did I just say that Martin was making more sense? My bad.

[10:28 PM] Gilles Duceppe ‘is looking forward to’ working with the Conservatives. Translation: cough up that fiscal imblance, Stevie Boy.

[10:22 PM] Warren Kinsella: “What does it mean? It means that, for Harper, running a perfect campaign isn’t enough. Having his opponent run a terrible, terrible campaign isn’t enough.” True, but consider the fact that Harper keeps pushing his way through impossible situations. He has consistently been taking conservatism forward in Canada one step at a time. Not a man to underestimate.

[10:18 PM] Whoops. Forgot to let the dog out. Poor thing is dancing around with his legs crossed.

[10:17 PM] Paul Martin has announced that he won’t lead the Libs into another election. Sheila Copps is on the radio now twisting the knife in a rather subtle fashion.

[10:14 PM] From CBC’s site: Cons 125, Libs 102, Bloc 51, Commies 29, Independent 1.

[10:09 PM] Martin’s speech is over. I may be mistaken, but I could swear that’s the first time in the last two years that he’s spoken for more than five minutes without saying “let me be clear”. Amazing. He needs to lose more elections — it does wonders for his vocabulary.

[10:08 PM] Holy shit. Martin conceded.

[10:07 PM] Good Christ, Martin is already stumping for the next election.

[10:06 PM] Blah blah fucking blah.

[10:04 PM] Blah blah blah blah… C’mon, concede already you motherfucker.

[10:01 PM] Paul Martin is live on the radio right now.

[9:57 PM] I’m, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy, it huuuuuurts. Eh? Why are you all staring at me?

[9:54 PM] Still no concession speech from Martin. Who figures he’s burning up the phone lines right now trying to put together some sort of coalition to stay in power?

[9:51 PM] 13 bottles of beer on the wall, 13 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, 12 bottles of beer on the wall…

[9:42 PM] …or asymetrical toenail clippings.

[9:42 PM] I’m currently surfing the Environment Canada site, but I can’t find any advice on the safe disposal of bellybutton lint.

[9:41 PM] Okay, now QR77 just flip-flopped and said that Edmonton Centre was still up for grabs. Could you bastards please make up your mind? I’ve got a heart condition and I don’t need this.

[9:38 PM] Is anyone still reading this?

[9:37 PM] QR77 is declaring Hawn the winner in Edmonton Centre. I’m still not sure that the witch is dead, however.

[9:36 PM] I was checking the referrer log and found myself listed as a blog breaking the election blackout. Er, no. I published a few hyperlinks to American sites. Hehhh.

[9:26 PM] Hedy Fry is ahead of Svend Robinson in B.C. Here’s one riding that I hope goes to the Libs.

[9:20 PM] Latest from CBC: Cons 124, Libs 101, Bloc 50, Commies 32, Independent 1. (Apparently what I thought was a Green seat win was an independent. Whoops.)

[9:16 PM] Listening to Warren Kinsella on the radio now. For some reason he doesn’t sound like I thought he would. I had sort of a mental image of him sounding kind of like Anne McClellan, actually.

[9:14 PM] Charles Adler thinks Martin’s goose is cooked (who doesn’t?). He figures Harper’s minority government will be safe for at least a year while the Libs are busy taking out the trash.

[9:07 PM] Landslide Annie may have just gotten buried. QR77 is declaring for Laurie Hawn.

[9:05 PM] Check out these headlines… “Bon Jovi says infidelity is part of the job” + “Bon Jovi plane skids off runway“. Karma’s a bitch, eh Jon?

[8:56 PM] Laurie Hawn is currently leading Screeching Annie in Edmonton Centre, but not by a lot. The riding is still up for grabs.

[8:45 PM] Tony Valeri is toast. Oh well, he’s still got all that extra money from his home sale to tide him over while he looks for a new job.

[8:44 PM] Note to Jay Currie: You owe James Bow a beer.

[8:43 PM] The coyotes are howling loud enough that I can hear them over the radio.

[8:39 PM] Projections according to CBC TV: Cons 121, Libs 97, Bloc 50, Commies 26, Green 1

[8:35 PM] Well, the ass kicking is relative. Martin held on to his riding. Newmarket-Aurora also failed its IQ test and re-elected Stronach.

[8:32 PM] Happiness is an empty bladder, a full can of Dr Pepper, some tortilla chips, salsa, sour cream, and Paul Martin getting his ass kicked.

[8:23 PM] Gotta pee! Be right back…

[8:21 PM] Projections according to CBC TV: Cons 111, Libs 88, Bloc 51, Commies 23, Green 1

[8:19 PM] QR77 is speculating as to whether or not Harper can ride herd on the socons and keep them from arsing things up for the party.

[8:18 PM] Rona Ambrose is hot. I’m hoping she does a naked victory lap around the parliament buildings.

[8:14 PM] Projections according to CBC TV: Cons 105, Libs 85, Bloc 52, Commies 22, Green 1(!)

[8:12 PM] Martin is slightly ahead of his Bloc opponent in his riding. Key Dryden won his riding (so much for my clever penalty box joke I had lined up)…

[8:08 PM] CBC is declaring a Conservative minority (thanks to Ron for supplying info via IM).

[8:07 PM] Whew.

[8:03 PM] Aw, fuck. Goodale was re-elected in Saskatchewan. There’s a neck-and-neck race between Landslide Annie and Laurie Hawn in Edmonton.

[8:00 PM] Polls are closed nation-wide now. Thus endeth the election news blackout. Conservatives are still leading across the country. Alex McDonough was re-elected in Halifax — the makers of Prozac will be happy to hear that.

[7:59 PM] Radio says things are tipping towards a Conservative minority. This is the first time in six months that I’ve regretted not purchasing a satellite dish or putting up a TV antenna.

[7:55 PM] CTV’s election page can be found here. Blackout imposition expires in 5 more minutes…

[7:53 PM] Quebec: Bloc leading in 11, Cons leading in 6, Libs in 3.

[7:50 PM] Can anyone recommend a good nose hair trimmer?

[7:49 PM] My gut is telling me that we’re looking at a Liberal minority. Hope I’m wrong, but…

[7:45 PM] Dave Rutherford just said not to worry about seats that have been ‘declared’ by the media before of all the numbers coming in from the advance polls. Apparently they could greatly change the outcome. Guess I’m staying up late.

[7:43 PM] Completey off-topic: remember that Trudeau stamp that was issued years back? Nobody in Alberta could get it to adhere to an envelope. Subsequent investigation showed that Albertans kept spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.

[7:40 PM] I guess that Harper will have to keep watching his back for the forseeable future what with Peter Mackay winning his seat back again. Good thing for Kevlar, huh?

[7:38 PM] So how come most lefties won’t support a woman’s right to choose if that woman chooses to vote Conservative? Just wondering.

[7:34 PM] One Quebec seat reporting so far and the Conservative candidate is in the lead. If you suddenly find that you’re freezing, that’s because Hell just froze over.

[7:33 PM] 72 bottles of beer on the wall, 72 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, 71 bottles of beer on the wall…

[7:30 PM] Polls are closed in the prairies now.

[7:29 PM] Contrary to popular belief, Albertans love most East Coasters. That’s why we stole all of the employable ones and moved them to Fort Mac.

[7:24 PM] QR77 is receiving incensed e-mails from people wanting to know where the streaming audio feed from their Web site is? They had to take it down because of the blackout law. In other news, some polls are already closed in Quebec, the rest should be closing in five or so minutes.

[7:21 PM] 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall…

[7:16 PM] I wonder if I can raise enough money auctioning off belly button lint on eBay to pay for a good defence lawyer? Be prepared and all that.

[7:14 PM] Gerry Nichols says I’m playing in a grey area by providing hyperlinks.

[7:13 PM] I have achieved toenail parity once more. The future of the country is secure now.

[7:10 PM] The QR77 DJ is apparently reading the results being posted on blogs right now. Gerry Nichols is about to come on and talk about the Election Blackout law.

[7:08 PM] 22 minutes until the polls close here in Alberta.

[7:06 PM] Have you driven a Ford into the ground lately?

[7:05 PM] There are unconfirmed reports of rolling blackouts in the Ottawa area. Apparently all that evidence shredding and resume printing is playing hell with the power grid.

[7:02 PM] It looks like PEI is going all red again. This is no big surprise as anyone with a work ethic fled the province years ago — is there anyone left there who doesn’t live on a government stipend of some sort?

[6:59 PM] If you see a mushroom cloud around Pickering in Ontario, that’s not one of their reactors, that’s Nancy realizing that Stephen Harper won a majority government by one vote.

[6:57 PM] The toenail thing is really bothering me. Am I a victim of Paul Martin’s ‘asymetrical federalism’?

[6:53 PM] More live blogging here and here. Hm… CPC showing in the Maritimes is better than I thought it would be.

[6:49 PM] I just realized that the toenail on my left-hand big toe is growing faster than the toenail on my right-hand big toe.

[6:48 PM] Guess I’m stuck with CHQR 770 AM. This sucks. I really wanted to hear CBC employees freaking out as the impending Neo-con tidal wave rushes towards them.

[6:45 PM] You can find The Captain’s live-blogging of the election here. Hey, do you think Elections Canada will bring the force of the law to bear against me over a hyperlink?

[6:43 PM] I can get one French station from Saskatchewan, but the signal is so bad I can only make out every third word.

[6:40 PM] Damn it. Can’t seem to tune in either 1010 (Calgary) or 740 (Edmonton).

[6:31 PM] Back. Just about to dust off my radio and tune it into CBC. I realize that the polls won’t start closing on the east coast for another hour or so, I just want to sit back and enjoy listening to CBC employees panicking.

[5:45 PM] Heading to the trailer for a bowl of soup — will be back shortly. Go look at some pictures while you’re waiting.

[5:33 PM] A request was put in for some ‘hardcore lesbian bondage’. This was the closest thing I could scrounge up that’s election related.

[5:28 PM] I wonder if the recycling depot accepts this sort of thing.

[5:25 PM] Is there supposed to be this much of it?

[5:18 PM] Oh, wow. Belly button lint.

[5:12 PM] Gaaah. I find myself agreeing with Warren Kinsella. This is surely a sign of the end times.

[5:09 PM] The Captain will start doing some live blogging of his own in a couple of hours — take that Elections Canada.

[5:02 PM] No matter the outcome of today’s election, it looks like the local economy where I live is about to go into the toilet. Again.

[4:57 PM] Well, this is certainly more effective than spoiling your ballet, I guess.

[4:53 PM] David Warren complains that none of Canada’s mainstream parties want to be associated with the views of Social Conservatives. No duh. What politician in his right mind wants to be associated with the nutjobs who wake you up by ringing your doorbell early on a Saturday morning so they can wave a Bible in your face?

[4:49 PM] So let’s give this live blogging thing a try and see what happens…

The other interesting exchange from this week’s Chamber meeting:

“So what kind of support will you be providing once you roll out the wireless in this area?”

“We’re a small company with only three employees. We can’t realistically handle an area this large with only three people. Our plan is to partner with local computer businesses to provide the needed support.”

“There are no local computer businesses! No one with those skills stays in this area!”

Well, actually, one person with computer skills lives in the area now. Me. It was James Bow who asked me some months back what it would take to get people to stay in rural areas. I think my answer was something along the lines of ‘ready access to essential services’. It just never occurred to me that I might become one of those services.

However, now that I think about it, I suddenly don’t feel so bad about my continued dabbling at the fringes of Information Technology. If I can keep a few computers fixed and help get their owners to stay in a great area for that much longer, well, that’s all right then. Besides, nothing says that I can’t stop and take a few pictures on my way to and from service calls.

Incidentally, I introduced myself to the fellow who was asking about support issues during a break in the meeting. Now he knows that there’s one business just down the road that fits the bill.