The Urban Refugee

Week one:

“Hi, I was wondering if you service fax machines?”

“No, I’m sorry, but I only service computer hardware, some computer software, and a very limited range of printer issues. I don’t service standalone fax units.”

“Can you recommend someone who does?”

“In this area? I can’t think of anyone. Either you’ve purchased an industrial unit from a major outfit like IKON and you have a service contract, or you’ve got a cheapie NFSU (non-field servicable unit) that’s cheaper to replace than to repair.”

“OK, thanks.”

Week two, same customer:

“Hi, we spoke on the phone last week. Can you tell me when you’ll be available to look at my fax machine?”

“Yes… And I told you I couldn’t because I don’t service fax machines. I’m a computer repair specialist.”

“Oh, okay, thanks.”

Week three or four, same customer:

“Hi, I’ve called before about my fax. Can you come out and look at it today? I really need it working to file some papers with ______.”

“I’ve already told you that I can’t fix it. I don’t service faxes.”

“But you can fix printers, right?”

“Mostly not. I usually tell people to throw out their printer and buy a new one since the repair would cost $200 and a new printer is only $100.”

“I’ll pay you to come out and look at it.”

“Look, I don’t service fax units and I’m too swamped with computer work to drive out and look at something that there’s a 99.9% likelihood that I won’t be able to service. I recommend taking it in to a larger centre.”

“Oh, all right. Thanks.”

Two months later, same customer:

“Hi, we spoke some time ago about you fixing my fax machine. I was wondering if you could come and look at it this week.”

“Look, I don’t fix faxes. I’ve told you this. Please stop calling me about it.”

“But you’re a technician, you could probably figure it out!”

“Ma’am, technicians tend to specialize like doctors. I’m like a General Physician for computers. I can fix basic ailments but anything beyond that needs to go to someone trained in that speciality. If you go to your doctor with signs of pancreatic distress you’ll immediately be referred to an endocrinologist. Your fax machine is a pancreas if I’ve ever seen one — you need to take it to a specialist.”

“I can’t understand why you won’t even look at it!”

“Because it’s dishonest to charge people money for attempting to repair items that you know are outside of your area of expertise. Please… Take the fax machine to a service centre in one of the larger cities the next time you’re there on errands.”

“Oh, all right!” [slam]

Three months on, same customer:

“Hi, you probably remember me, I’m the one having trouble getting my fax machine fixed…”

“NO!” [click]

Honest to gawd, with some people it’s just like talking to a dial tone.

While I can’t say I’ve ever done something like having a homosexual affair with the underage son of my wife’s best friend, I think I’ve just performed the computer equivalent. That is to say that I’ve just befouled a strikingly gorgeous 24 inch iMac with Windows XP so that a customer can run AgExpert Analyst 2007 on it.

Man, do I ever feel dirty right now.

The system on the right is mine. The two on the left belong to the teenage children of one of my customers, and both are riddled with virii, spyware, malware, and at least one rootkit. I’m using my notebook to research the multitude of filenames and errors that I’m running across.

And how did you spend your weekend?

I’m gratified to see that out of all the visitors to digiteyesed.com in March, nearly twice as many were using Firefox than were using Internet Explorer. Let’s hope the trend continues.

I just had another call from a business owner this week who has purchased a new computer system that came pre-loaded with Vista. She called me and asked me if I could downgrade her to Windows XP as Vista breaks Quickbooks 2007 in significant and nasty ways. All the “Wow” in the world is useless if she can’t do payroll.

I’m trying to see if I can still buy OEM copies of Windows XP Home. The customers are willing to pay extra for them, and for two and a half hours of labour to exorcise Vista from their new equipment.

“That’s not a heat sink…

…THIS is a heat sink.”

Business has picked up and I’m slammed. I’ll be back in a few weeks after I catch up with the backlog.

I ordered parts for a new system. The mobo in one of my older systems is starting to get flaky so it’s upgrade time. The new gloss black full-tower case with a 700 Watt power supply and 14 drive bays is sexier than Seven of Nine after having her implants clear-coated. The big gob of memory and the Intel Core 2 Duo CPU are sublime. I just wish I had ordered a frakkin’ CPU heatsink for the damn thing so I could actually use it over the next week instead of just staring at it.

The new Motorola Razr cell phone arrived today as well. Surprise number one: the sound and connection quality are exceptional. Surprise number two: I plugged it into my computer with a USB cable to recharge it and Windows immediately recognized it as an external modem. Surprise number three: It actually connects to Telus at 45 Kbps — an unheard of dialup connection speed in these parts.

I’m still waiting for a new laptop to arrive as well. It should be here by Thursday. It’s a great week to be a geek.

We put in an alleged 3 megabit wireless connection for the Internet Cafe in Consort. I say alleged because I’ve been noticing that my 1 megabit satellite connection out in the country consistently has better throughput than the wireless connection in town. I doubt we’re getting more than 300K in town whereas I *always* get my full bandwidth from the dish unless I get “FAPped” (when the Fair Access Policy kicks in and my speed is halved for the remainder of the hour).

I think I need to phone Xplornet and ask for an explanation.