Archive for the ‘Oil Patch’ Category

Local economy showing signs of stress

Posted on May 9th, 2009 in Oil Patch | 1 Comment »

I remember back in late 2007 how I could drive just about anywhere and pass at least one semi unit pulling a fully stocked trailer of new vehicles. This spring I’ve been keeping an eye out for the same. I decided to keep track of them. I saw one on April 3rd, half full. Yesterday morning I finally saw another one and it only had two vehicles on the back, both used. I’ve gone from seeing one or two a day to over a month between sightings, and even then you know the trip probably wasn’t a revenue generator for the poor sod operating the truck.

The layoffs in the oil patch are legion. The PennWest office in Consort, Alberta has closed. The Apache office in Monitor has shed a bunch of staff. There are ugly rumours circulating about the other oil companies. I know some people who drive truck for the oil patch and they’re lucky if they can get enough loads to cover their operating costs.

Oil patch traffic is down on the highway, that’s for sure. The good news is that the roads are halfway safe again for a change. It’s been a while since I’ve popped over a hill to find some asshat roaring towards me on the wrong side of the road while making the customary illegal lane change. I suppose that’s something.

I’ve been fortunate not to have seen much of the downturn in my computer repair business (yet), but my poor wife’s gift basket biz is noticeably slower. Good thing we don’t depend on it for an income. We’re going to go out this afternoon and work on planting a very large garden. We’re hoping it will keep us afloat if the same economic blight that is hitting everyone else spreads to us next.

Some days it’s just not fun to be a grown-up.

Out of The Rock and into The Oil Patch

Posted on February 10th, 2007 in Oil Patch | 3 Comments »

Nancy on the latest Newfoundland and Labrador tourism ads:

The ads are magical, drawing you in from the first flutter of laundry on the clothesline. By emphasizing the simple beauty of the land and its people, I hope you inspire stressed-out urbanites everywhere to drop what they’re doing and head for The Rock. If I had the budget, I’d be there in a heartbeat.

If most Newfies had the budget they’d be back there in a heartbeat, too. Trying to find someone who lives in Fort Mac by choice is like trying to find an honest politician.

Ah, push it - push it real good!

Posted on August 23rd, 2006 in Oil Patch | 6 Comments »

I notice that some local oil service companies are looking for ‘tool pushers’ in the career section of the newspaper. I’m not quite sure what a tool push does, but it sounds to me suspiciously like a ’stool pusher’, and I know what that is.

This whole oil boom thing is one fantastic hoax, if you ask me. At some point it’s going to be revealed that Alberta’s energy sector is actually a coverup for a massive gay porn ring. All those burly guys you see speeding around in 4WD pickup trucks? They’re just twinks on their way to the next shoot.

Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Stupidest thing I’ve read this year

Posted on March 2nd, 2006 in Best of..., Oil Patch | 5 Comments »

It is a well-known fact that the latest technology enables us to extract oil with virtually no environmental damage. — The American Thinker.

Oh really? Mr. Kohlmayer, the author of that offending sentence, desperately needs to come spend some time in Alberta. Perhaps he could sit down and have a coffee with my good friend Larrie Thomson who has to truck in water and use an outhouse after Esso destroyed the well on his acreage. A problem that Esso has yet to deal with or compensate Larrie for.

Maybe he could sit down for tea with Jen’s Uncle Brien who lives just up the road from us. Brien has to haul water out to his cattle each day after a local oil company had an ‘oopsie’ that spewed hydrocarbons all over his land and befouled the dugout he used to water his herd. He finally got the oil company to agree to fix their mess (they haven’t yet, by the way), but they only agreed to do so if they could drill even more wells on his property. They wasted no time on drilling their new wells but there’s no sign of the replacement dugout.

Maybe Mr. Kohlmayer could talk to my old neighbors from Grant Way in Edmonton. I know of at least four who moved because they got sick every time the oil boys flared the stack by the pump jack that was at the end of our street. Everyone up and down the block would get pretty sick and congested with each flaring episode.

Maybe he should come out and look at my father-in-law’s scarred cattle pasture where an alarming amount of prairie wool has been destroyed by all of this non-invasive environmentally friendly drilling. It’s going to take a hundred years for the prairie wool to come back, if it ever does.

Or maybe he could talk to my father-in-law about the old well he had that produced safe water until a seismic crew came through and blasted the holy bejeezus out of the local strata while they were hunting for oil. A well that used to be safe suddenly turned toxic and John was out thousands of dollars after having a new, deeper well put in. This was while he was flat ass broke and trying to raise two small children who needed healthy drinking water.

I know, he could talk to all of the residents of a certain Indian Reserve on the outskirts of Edmonton who had to be evacuated when a nearby gas well blew up and then burned for a month. I bet they could tell him a thing or two about how safe natural resource extraction is these days.

Finally, perhaps he should drive up the road and take a look at the ’sweet gas’ well a few klicks from our yard site. There used to be a sign warning people away from it as it was a sour gas well, but the old sign mysteriously disappeared when the new owners acquired it. The funny thing is, we have a regularly calibrated H2S meter and we are continuously able to read low levels of H2S in the area, readings which are always strongest around the ’sweet gas’ well which produces ‘absolutely no hydrogen sulphide’ (according to its new owners who looked panicked when they realized we were monitoring H2S levels in the area).

Yeah, sure.

Look, most of us living out here accept that the world economy is powered by hydrocarbons and will be for some time. We accept that we need to keep pumping this stuff out of the ground to keep everything going. But those of us who live in the communities where the oil and gas is being produced would appreciate it if people stopped bullshitting us about how safe we are. We see the damaged fields and pastures. We get sick every time the wind blows in from nearby flare stacks. We see the crap that gets spilled on the roads and in the ditches. We know better.

Extracting oil is not a safe practice, at least, not in practice. In theory, sure, but in the real world where not so many of the local oil patch employees have a high school diploma and the ability to show up for work sober, well, shit happens. Bad shit. Shit that Vasko Kohlmayer doesn’t have a clue about.

Pot-holier-than-thou

Posted on September 5th, 2005 in Oil Patch | No Comments »

Range Road 3-1 connects the tiny hamlet of Kirriemuir to the small town of Provost. To call the road crappy would be an understatement. How bad is it? Let’s just say that it’s rare to see roads like this outside of Saskatchewan. Yesterday on the way into town we passed a brand new 3/4 ton Dodge 4×4 that had snapped its front axle by hitting a monster pothole in the road.

I don’t suppose it would be churlish to ask the oil patch to foot the bill for repairing this chunk of highway? It’s their heavy equipment that pounded the bejeezus out of it in the first place.

Pump Your Cavity, Sir?

Posted on September 4th, 2005 in Oil Patch | 7 Comments »

It has just come to my attention that there is also such a thing as a Progressive Cavity Pump Specialist. Sounds rather, um, naughty. The oil patch is crawling with so many cavity and hole pumpers that one is left with the impression it’s a hotbed of latent homosexuality just waiting to happen.

Wanted: Oilfield Enema Expert

Posted on September 4th, 2005 in Oil Patch | 1 Comment »

Seen in this week’s Provost News:

QUINN PUMPS
Currently requires
personnel to train as
BOTTOM HOLE
PUMP TECHNICIANS

This sounds so…wrong. I mean, how the hell would you explain a vocation like this to your family? ‘I work as an oilfield enema expert.’ Doesn’t sound so good, does it? Or how about, ‘I’m a hydrocarbon hoop cleaner.’ No, best just to tell them that you’re on welfare as that will leave them with more respect for you.

Rig Pigs In a Poke

Posted on September 3rd, 2005 in Oil Patch | 3 Comments »

Premier Ralph Klein, he of the day-glo nose, has assured our American friends that Alberta will increase its production of crude oil and gasoline to make up for the capacity that Hurricane Katrina knocked out south of the border.

Good luck with that.

The oil patch has been going flat out since oil passed the $50/barrel mark. When the prices are high like this, you pull out as much as you can and you sell it as fast as you can. The problem, as always, is people. There’s simply not enough skilled labour left that can be used to ramp up production even further.

My brother-in-law has a healthy little business repairing the engines on pump jacks here in the area. He’s a good mechanic with an excellent reputation because of the high quality of his work (the stuff he fixes stays fixed). The problem is that he’s only one man. He’s been trying to hire another mechanic for months now without success. The end result is that he’s working eighty hour weeks and burning out. The oil patch can run their pumps harder and suck more oil out of the ground, but this means that their pumps only break down sooner. They certainly don’t get fixed sooner because every other company is doing the same thing. He’s getting a pretty impressive lineup of broken pumps outside his door. So are they getting more oil out of the ground? I doubt it.

This is the law of diminishing returns in action, and you’d better believe that every other part of the oil patch is seeing the same thing. At almost $70/barrel, you don’t have to convince oil companies that they want to sell more. They would, if they could find the extra mechanics, engineers, geologists, and heavy equipment operators that are required. In fact, they’ve already tapped so much of the local unskilled labour pool that the people who are left are pretty scary.

I’ve stopped dining at local restaurants for this reason. It’s a bad omen when you walk into an eatery and there’s a big sign on the door saying, ‘cooks needed — all shifts — no experience necessary, will train’. (A special shout out to the craptacular Provost Motor Inn, which has managed to elevate poor service, unsanitary conditions, and badly prepared food to previously unknown heights.) When you hire out of the local available labour pool these days you get to choose between a drooling idiot and…a drooling idiot. Those with even the most rudimentary marketable skills were snapped up years back.

Will the oil patch be able to find the extra employees they need? No. Will they be able to ramp up production? No. Does Ralph Klein have any idea what he’s talking about? No.

It’s best to treat Ralph like a flare stack — stay upwind.