Week one:
“Hi, I was wondering if you service fax machines?”
“No, I’m sorry, but I only service computer hardware, some computer software, and a very limited range of printer issues. I don’t service standalone fax units.”
“Can you recommend someone who does?”
“In this area? I can’t think of anyone. Either you’ve purchased an industrial unit from a major outfit like IKON and you have a service contract, or you’ve got a cheapie NFSU (non-field servicable unit) that’s cheaper to replace than to repair.”
“OK, thanks.”
Week two, same customer:
“Hi, we spoke on the phone last week. Can you tell me when you’ll be available to look at my fax machine?”
“Yes… And I told you I couldn’t because I don’t service fax machines. I’m a computer repair specialist.”
“Oh, okay, thanks.”
Week three or four, same customer:
“Hi, I’ve called before about my fax. Can you come out and look at it today? I really need it working to file some papers with ______.”
“I’ve already told you that I can’t fix it. I don’t service faxes.”
“But you can fix printers, right?”
“Mostly not. I usually tell people to throw out their printer and buy a new one since the repair would cost $200 and a new printer is only $100.”
“I’ll pay you to come out and look at it.”
“Look, I don’t service fax units and I’m too swamped with computer work to drive out and look at something that there’s a 99.9% likelihood that I won’t be able to service. I recommend taking it in to a larger centre.”
“Oh, all right. Thanks.”
Two months later, same customer:
“Hi, we spoke some time ago about you fixing my fax machine. I was wondering if you could come and look at it this week.”
“Look, I don’t fix faxes. I’ve told you this. Please stop calling me about it.”
“But you’re a technician, you could probably figure it out!”
“Ma’am, technicians tend to specialize like doctors. I’m like a General Physician for computers. I can fix basic ailments but anything beyond that needs to go to someone trained in that speciality. If you go to your doctor with signs of pancreatic distress you’ll immediately be referred to an endocrinologist. Your fax machine is a pancreas if I’ve ever seen one — you need to take it to a specialist.”
“I can’t understand why you won’t even look at it!”
“Because it’s dishonest to charge people money for attempting to repair items that you know are outside of your area of expertise. Please… Take the fax machine to a service centre in one of the larger cities the next time you’re there on errands.”
“Oh, all right!” [slam]
Three months on, same customer:
“Hi, you probably remember me, I’m the one having trouble getting my fax machine fixed…”
“NO!” [click]
Honest to gawd, with some people it’s just like talking to a dial tone.